The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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