??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
