My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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