census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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