Im at strip club and am horny
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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