Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
