i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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