TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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