Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
