you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
