She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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