was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
