It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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