I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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