I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sex in a hospital.. check
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
