As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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