My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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