Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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