We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
