I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
