mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
