Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
