erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
