i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
