I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
