Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
