You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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