Tell her she can't have a vagina
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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