OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
