i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
