yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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