he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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