I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
