you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
