I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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