Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
