I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
