I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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