i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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