you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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