Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
