If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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