I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
