Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
