he thought i was a dude.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
