am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
