i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
