yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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