i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
