As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
