I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize