she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
