I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
