You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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