im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize