Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
