I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
