i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
