you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
