arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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