In the future we'll all be gay
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize