R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
