Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
