he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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