your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think my fart just growled at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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