Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
