So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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