Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
