he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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