I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
