have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
