im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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