I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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