GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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