Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
