Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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